what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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