Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
