My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
