i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
