I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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