what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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