If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think my vagina is haunted
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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