booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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