I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
