Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
