So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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