She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There are leaves in my underwear?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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