Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
