when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
soo... how was my night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
