I'm eating all of the evidence.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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