yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
