I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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