one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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