Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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