i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
