you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
