Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The ass gains better be worth it
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