im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
