My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
