my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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