It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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