they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
