I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
