Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
