I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
