i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
