walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
