If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
