Define "chronic" masturbator.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
