Umm I'm too high to move.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
