dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
