I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
