The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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