I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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