The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
