so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
