I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
