MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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