Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you. Go after that dick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
