Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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