Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
