this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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