I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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