I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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