I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is Oprah even human
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
