i may or may not be watching the land before time
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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