I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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