Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
