dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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