Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
