She's JV to your varsity
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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