i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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