Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
