: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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