Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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