Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
