biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A bitchslap is in order.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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