yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
