i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
