And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
