Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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