bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
