Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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