all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
