is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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