I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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