I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
