i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize