I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
