i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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