I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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