OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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